


you smell nice & you're groovy

by angelsaves



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Always a Different Sex, F/M, Pegging, Podfic Welcome, Strap-Ons, lady!Shane
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-20
Updated: 2018-08-20
Packaged: 2019-06-30 00:44:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15740661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelsaves/pseuds/angelsaves
Summary: "Oh,fuckme," Ryan says.Shana obliges.





	you smell nice & you're groovy

**Author's Note:**

> title from "do you take it?" by the wet spots.
> 
> betaed by the fantastic mardia, like, practically before i'd finished saying "hey i shared that fic with you", she's seriously the best

"Oh, _fuck_ me," Ryan says.

Shana doesn't know why she does it — they've only been, uh, doing whatever it is they're doing for a few weeks now — but she leans in and says into his ear, "I could do that."

Ryan yelps and jumps. "Don't just _say_ things like that, madam, we are in the workplace!"

"I'm just saying," Shana says, stretching her arms behind her in the way she knows makes Ryan a thirsty, thirsty boy. "It's a possibility."

"That we can discuss _later_ ," Ryan says. "I need some water." He gets up and hurries over to the water cooler.

Shana smirks to herself. Oh, it's on.

Ryan comes back eventually, and Shana mostly leaves him alone. She just looks at him every so often, and what's wrong with that? It might make a blush spread up the back of his neck from under his collar, but that could be anything, really.

The workday draws to a close, and Ryan closes his laptop and says, "I'm coming over."

"Mi casa es su casa," Shana says, gesturing expansively. "You're buying the Chinese food, though."

"Sure, fine," Ryan says. He fiddles with his phone, probably putting in their usual order. "Meet you there?"

"Sounds good."

Shana beats him to her apartment and takes the chance to get her strap-on out from under the bed, giving it a good wipe-down with the cleaning wipes that came as a gift-with-purchase and setting it by her pillow. You know, just in case.

Ryan shows up 20 minutes later with a stuffed-full bag of takeout, and Shana immediately commandeers the egg rolls, stuffing one into her mouth whole.

"Were you serious?" Ryan asks, container of General Tso's chicken open on his lap. "About fucking me?"

"Mmph," Shana replies. She chews thoroughly and swallows while Ryan fidgets. Finally, she says, "Yeah, of course. I mean, if you'd be into it."

"I'm — fuck. I'm into it," Ryan says. "I — you've done it before?"

"Yeah, I've done it before." Shana takes a more decorous bite of egg roll, then asks, mouth full, "Wha' 'bout you?"

"Not, like, full-on. Is that weird?" He's still jittering. "I never really thought about, like, a strap-on until you said that, but then I just..." He waves his chopsticks in the air. "I just. Want you to do that to me."

"Eat your food," Shana says. "Cool. I want to fuck your ass, too."

"Oh, good," Ryan says, deflating a little. He takes a big bite of chicken, and Shana nods in approval. He's always chiller when he's got some food in him. "So, like..."

"First, we eat," Shana says. "Then we make out until you're crazy for it. Then... we do it."

"Do I, you know, shower at some point?" Ryan asks.

"If you want, that can totally happen. I have a clean towel, even."

"Classy dame," Ryan says, and Shane is glad it was just laundry day. "Okay, cool. I smell like work."

"I like how you smell," Shana says.

Ryan grins at her. "Thanks. I'd still rather shower, though."

"That's cool," she says. Ryan gets up and plants a kiss on the tip of her nose, then heads for the bathroom. She hears the water running and relaxes, listening to it.

Suddenly, it occurs to her that her — Ryan — is naked in her shower, and for some reason, she's still sitting on the couch. Resisting the urge to punch herself in the face, Shana follows him into the bathroom. It's already so steamy that she can't see her reflection as she pulls her soft green top off over her head, then skims her pants and underwear off and steps into the shower.

"Hey, you," Ryan says, pulling her face down for a wet kiss. God, she loves it when he uses his muscles on her — he pushes her up against the slick tiles and holds her there by the hips, and it feels great.

"Hey yourself," Shana says. "Got any plans while you're down — _ohh_." She sinks her hands into the wet strands of his hair and holds him right where he is as he laps at her cunt, licking and fluttering and thrusting inside. "Yeah, that's perfect, oh, Ryan —"

He keeps it up, only pausing to hike one of her legs over his shoulder for a better angle, until she comes with a strangled cry and pulls away. "How was that?"

"Awesome," Shana says, brushing wet hair out of her eyes. It's hard to believe that this is only the fourth time he's eaten her out, to be honest — not that she's counting. "I think I'll drown if I pay you back in the shower, though."

"That would be a really tragic way to go," Ryan says, letting her pull him to his feet. "And what would I say at your funeral?"

"Probably that I died the same way I lived: being a total disaster." Shana grabs the shower gel from the caddy over the nozzle and lathers some up in her hands. "Wash your back?"

"I washed before you got in here — _thoroughly_ ," he adds, grinning devilishly.

"Good," she says, and soaps herself up instead, getting her tits, pits, and bits, even though Ryan hadn't complained. "Shove over, let me rinse off."

"Your wish is my command." Ryan gives her room, and Shana sluices off the bubbles, then winds her arms around him and kisses him. It's so good that she can't help a twinge of regret for the years they spent _not_ smooching each other, and another for the fact that she still hasn't gotten up the guts to ask him to actually date her.

Shana breaks the kiss and turns off the water, grabbing for a towel from the stack next to the shower, then another for Ryan. For a moment, drying off, she feels awkward and a little out of place — seriously, Shana Madej, having a friends-with-bennies thing with someone as hot as Ryan Bergara? — but then Ryan gives her a frankly filthy look, and she grabs his hand and drags him into the bedroom.

In there, Shana tackles Ryan onto the bed, and they make out frantically, damp bodies pressed as close as they can get, towels forgotten on the floor. She lets her hand roam down his chest and over his abs, skimming lightly over his cock and balls, down to see what he thinks of a little pressure on the ol' perineum.

"Oh, _Jesus_ ," Ryan says, cock jumping against her belly, "yes, please, do that again!"

Well, that's about as enthusiastic as consent gets. She kisses him and repeats the move, and Ryan moves, his whole body rolling up towards hers in an incredibly sexy wave.

"Woman, you’ll be the death of me," he says, putting one of his magnificent arms over his eyes, once he recovers. Then he turns his head to the side and blinks. "Is that..."

"Yep," Shana says, popping the P.

"Jesus Christ. Will you put it on?" he asks.

"I mean, that was the plan," she says, just to annoy him. She gets up and steps into the harness, which is basically a pair of boy shorts with some extra structure, and the strap-on juts out proudly, long and thick and bright teal.

"Is it bad that I think you look incredibly sexy like this?" Ryan asks. "Even though that thing is not a color found in nature?"

"There are birds this color," Shana says. "Flowers, maybe?"

"Not penises," Ryan says. "Anyway... God, you look hot."

"Thanks." She gets back onto the bed, lying next to him, and pulls out the bottle of lube. "I believe I promised you a blow job?"

"It was implied," Ryan agrees, "now that you’re less likely to drown."

"Mmm," Shana agrees, settling herself above him on her elbows. "Have you done butt stuff before, or are you just obsessed with it?"

"I’m not obsessed," he protests; "I’ve done some. A finger during a blow job, that kind of thing. Nothing ... comprehensive."

"Good," Shana says. "I’ll start you off easy." She licks the head of his cock, then a longer stripe, and gets the lube open, getting it all over her hand and the bed, but whatever.

"I can take it — ohhh," he says, as she sucks his cock into her mouth and slips just the tip of her finger into his ass. "Oh, I like that."

"Good," Shana says. She takes his cock deeper and thrusts her finger deeper at the same time, and he makes another one of those awesome moaning sounds, arching up. Fortunately, Shana is basically a sexpert, and she was expecting that, so she pulls back a little and doesn’t gag. Some dudes are into that — makes them feel huge, or whatever — but Ryan got distressed the time she started to gag, so she avoids it now.

"Oh God, Shana, give me more, please," Ryan begs, and oh, that’s nice. She could get used to that.

Magnanimously, she adds another finger, spreading them apart, curling them, learning him inside as well as out. She sucks harder, hollowing her cheeks, and Ryan bats at the side of her head, making a lock of her hair fall loose from behind her ear.

"Come on, I'm ready, stick it in me," he says, carefully tucking her hair back in place.

"Nah," Shana says, releasing him, "my cock is pretty big. You need a little more stretching first." She likes the way his cock twitches when she talks about hers.

"Oh, fuck you," he says, half groan, as she gives him three fingers.

"No," Shana says thoughtfully, "fuck _you_ ," and she twists her fingers.

"Oh, Jesus!" Ryan clenches around her fingers and pants for breath. "Please, _please_ fuck me, Shana, God —"

"It's so nice to fuck a polite young man like you," Shana tells him. She slides her fingers out of his ass and lubes up her cock, pressing the head of it against him, feeling the give of the muscle. "You sure you're ready?"

"Ugh!" He reaches down and wraps his fingers around her cock, yanking it into himself impatiently. "Oh —"

"Now you're being rude," Shana remonstrates, but she curls her fingers into his hips and shoves herself deep anyway, bottoming out with a dirty slapping sound when her thighs meet his ass cheeks.

" _Oh_ ," Ryan says, his voice rough. "You should — fuck the rudeness out of me, probably —"

"Get those bendy legs of yours up over my shoulders," Shana says, reaching back to grab one of his ankles.

"Yes, ma'am!" He pulls his knees up to his chest and hooks his ankles behind her neck, then wriggles and groans. "Oh, fuck, that's even better."

"I know," Shana says, rolling her hips. "Gonna come on my cock?"

"Oh, _fuck_ ," Ryan says, and jackknifes up to kiss her, open-mouthed and sloppy. She bites at his lips and sucks on his tongue, driving into him relentlessly. "Unh!"

"That's right," Shana says against his lips. "You love this. You take it so well."

"You're — oh — you're fucking right I do," Ryan gasps out. "Fuck, Shana, I —" He cuts himself off with a long, loud moan, almost a shout, and comes, spurting hot between them and squeezing his eyes shut tight, falling backwards.

"Yeah, that's good, you're so good," Shana says. She slips two fingers behind the base of her cock and rubs her clit hard, still fucking into him in a pounding rhythm as she gets herself off.

"God, you're beautiful," Ryan says, reaching up to touch her face, and it's a little embarrassing, but that's what brings her over the edge, throwing her head back, biting her lip, pressing hard on her clit.

"Thanks," she says after a few moments, pulling out slowly. "That was... nice."

"Nice," Ryan repeats, like he's never heard the word before. "You fucking — you rocked my world. Also, I think I'm in love with you."

"I bet you say that to everyone who pegs you," Shana says lightly. She steps out of the harness, then sits down on the edge of the bed, next to him. "Seriously, it's fine."

"'It's fine'?" Ryan blows out a sharp breath. "Is that, like, 'ditto' for the new millennium, or what?"

" _Ghost_ references, really?" Shana rolls her eyes, trying not to feel warmth glowing in her belly. "Surely that's beneath you, Ryan."

"No, it — ugh!" He grabs her by the back of the head and kisses her like he's trying to tell her something.

Against her better judgment, she listens. "You mean it? It's not just — oxytocin, or whatever?"

"I mean it," Ryan says. "I know it's — inconvenient for you, or —"

"Oh, shut up," Shana says, and tries to tell him something too.


End file.
